Growing up in small town Central Texas, I was raised Catholic by my family. I was a good Catholic. First confession at age six. First communion at age seven. Confirmed at 15 under the name Cecilia. But at some point in high school, I decided to try out the Baptist faith. Again, I was good at that. I could cross reference verses with the best. I could create Bible studies. And I could lead praise & worship like no other. Faith has been my gift. My talent.In college, I played on the praise and worship team for Aggie Sisters for Christ. ASC was (and could quite possibly be) the largest all-female Christian organization on the Texas A&M campus - one of the most socially conservative schools in the nation1.
After college, I lead a praise & worship team for a singles ministry back home. For me, it was one of my single greatest donations to the church. I also lead a Bible study and donated my time by driving medical missionaries to airports. But it was during this time that I stopped seeing my faith at face value. The favoritism and ignorance of some in the church had finally eaten away at me.
Rewind 20 years back to 1987.
Remember what movie came out that year? Boy, I do! Dirty Dancing. I was a huge fan of this movie. Huge! At that time, I was only allowed to watch it with my mom because she had to fast forward it through certain parts. Dirty Dancing seemed to have the best soundtracks (weren't there two?), the cheesiest lines and my crush, Jennifer Grey. Yes, as a wee lad, I knew I was gay for Jennifer Grey.It was also around this time that I admitted to my best friend that I didn't want to spend my life with a boy. I wanted to spend it with a girl. Nobody taught me this. I just always knew. And it wasn't until fifth grade that I finally knew what "gay" was.
Bill Clinton pushed "Don't Ask. Don't Tell" and it seemed like every student had a new word on the tip of their tongue - gay. Gay was bad. Gay was weird. Gay was wrong and you would be laughed at if you were gay. I remember exactly where I was when I found out gay was "bad".
I was standing in line in Mrs. Carroll's classroom, about to change classes and head to Mrs. Gray's room. As we lined up, a bucktoothed boy (who thought he was the shit) turn around to me and mentioned something about me being "so gay". What did that mean? He quickly gave me a lesson in what gay was (girls who liked girls and boys who liked boys) and I then realized I was doomed for all eternity. No, this was not the holy spirit coming into my heart to tell me right from wrong. This was ignorance striking fear into me.
Throughout my time in small town Texas, I laid low. I wanted to succeed at everything I tried and I knew being "different" could possibly ruin that all for me. Not to say that I never dated. I did. And they were some of the greatest guys. But in the end, they were my best guy friends and that's it.
Fast forward to June 14, 2008.
My brother called me out of the blue to tell me something. In a very low and humbled voice, Daniel said, "Sarah, um, you're going to be an aunt." Usually, this kind of news is great news but for Daniel, this wasn't good news (but now it's wonderful). After talking for awhile, I told him I had to go but we would talk the next day. Sunday (the next day) came and we discussed his predicament some more and talked about how he should tell our parents. I didn't want Daniel to feel out of place, so I dropped my news to him. Actually, he guessed it. He said he already knew and had talked about it with his friends to which he said he was fine with me being gay.As the year went on, I felt disconnected with my parents because I wasn't completely being myself with them. My parents have always been great about not pushing me to date but there were times that I dated and never told them because of who I was dating. So exactly one year after Daniel told me about Maggie, I called up my mom and told her about me.
It was the single most hardest thing I've ever done. I cried out of nerves and fear. And after telling my mom that I was "never going to bring a guy home", my mom told me, "Sarah, this is why I always tell you I love you no matter what."
As I rattled off my checklist of things that still made me the "same old Sarah", my mom kept saying, "Sarah, this is why I always tell you I love you no matter what." I had nothing to prove. I had always known and grew up gay under the radar. My parents had raised a gay daughter and she was successful. She wasn't the lies that so many people throw out there: a pedophile, immoral, promiscuous or drug addict. I set goals for myself and met them. I wanted to be the head drum major of a state qualifying band. And I was. I wanted to graduate from Texas A&M in four years. And I did. I wanted to be a web developer at Intel. And I am.Today is National Coming Out Day. I'm writing all of this because I know that if every gay person came out and told everyone they knew, the fight would be over. Our country would see that some of its most hard working, honorable people are gay. I'm not wanting to start an argument. But I ask that you stop using phrases like "that's so gay" to mean "you're so stupid". I'm also pretty sure that "you're retarded" is not kosher as well.
If someone starts to say that homosexuals are immoral people who corrupt our nation, think of me. I'm sure it'll make you laugh because I'm one of the most vanilla people you probably know. And if you're a Texan, write Governor "Good Hair" and tell him to end the ban on gay rights in Texas.
1Top 10 Most Socially Conservative Colleges http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/Departments/College/?article=Top10MostConservative09
